Drafting Challenge Winners
A few months ago, I challenged you
to revise some transactional language I saw at NBA City in Orlando.
I then appointed a guest judge: David Tollen, founder of
Tech Contracts Chalkboard and author of the new book
The Tech Contracts Handbook.
Here are David’s top two choices—and why:
Winners: John Taylor and Joel Trotter
John Taylor’s entry was the briefest of those that covered all the legal
ground of the original. And his language was remarkably simple, leaving no doubt
about the nature of the warning.
You assume all risk and responsibility for your activities at NBA City and
recognize they involve risk of injury. That risk may arise from acts or
omissions of you or others, the rules of play, or the condition of the premises
or equipment.
Joel Trotter’s entry was remarkably clear, and it made clever use of bullet
points to simplify the message and draw the reader’s eye to vital information.
His entry was also among the briefest of those that covered all the legal ground
of the original.
You understand that you may suffer injuries at NBA City from:
- actions you or others take or do not take;
- your or their carelessness;
- playing according to the rules;
- conditions of our premises; or
- equipment we use at NBA City.
You assume all risks and accept all responsibility for any damages from these
injuries.
The Original Challenge
David Tollen is an attorney and the founder of
Tech Contracts Chalkboard, which
provides training on drafting and negotiating software licenses, technology
services agreements, and other information technology contracts. He’s also the
author of the American Bar Association’s manual on technology contracts,
The Tech Contracts Handbook,
and one of the founders of Adeli & Tollen
LLP, a 15-laywer IP and IT law firm in California. He lives and works in San
Francisco.
