Drafting Challenge Winners

A few months ago, I challenged you to revise some transactional language I saw at NBA City in Orlando.

I then appointed a guest judge: David Tollen, founder of Tech Contracts Chalkboard and author of the new book The Tech Contracts Handbook. Here are David’s top two choices—and why:

Winners: John Taylor and Joel Trotter

John Taylor’s entry was the briefest of those that covered all the legal ground of the original. And his language was remarkably simple, leaving no doubt about the nature of the warning.

You assume all risk and responsibility for your activities at NBA City and recognize they involve risk of injury. That risk may arise from acts or omissions of you or others, the rules of play, or the condition of the premises or equipment.

Joel Trotter’s entry was remarkably clear, and it made clever use of bullet points to simplify the message and draw the reader’s eye to vital information. His entry was also among the briefest of those that covered all the legal ground of the original.

You understand that you may suffer injuries at NBA City from:

  • actions you or others take or do not take;
  • your or their carelessness;
  • playing according to the rules;
  • conditions of our premises; or
  • equipment we use at NBA City.

You assume all risks and accept all responsibility for any damages from these injuries.

The Original Challenge

David Tollen is an attorney and the founder of Tech Contracts Chalkboard, which provides training on drafting and negotiating software licenses, technology services agreements, and other information technology contracts. He’s also the author of the American Bar Association’s manual on technology contracts, The Tech Contracts Handbook, and one of the founders of Adeli & Tollen LLP, a 15-laywer IP and IT law firm in California. He lives and works in San Francisco.

Order Point Made

Order Point Taken

Order Deal Struck