Small wording changes can liven up your style by speeding up and punching up your prose.
Let’s match wits with some of the world’s best judicial writers below. Or is that “with certain of the world’s most illustrious judicial draftspersons infra”?
The Rules of Engagement: If a word or phrase is bolded in the first part of each set, the big guns didn’t write it. For each of those bolded terms, think of a lighter or shorter replacement before you peek below.
Here are six of the most fruitful changes, before-and-after style:
1. Just Say No: “subsequent to” or “following.”
Mystery Judge
Following the accident the plaintiff’s handbag and shoe were found in the middle of the yard.
Mystery Judge
The Grateful Dead play rock music. Their style, often called “acid rock” because it mimics the effects some persons obtain subsequent to using LSD, is attractive to acid-heads.
Try “after.”
Lord Denning, Cummings v. Granger
After the accident the plaintiff’s handbag and shoe were found in the middle of the yard.
Seventh Circuit Judge Frank Easterbrook, United States v. Dumont
The Grateful Dead play rock music. Their style, often called “acid rock” because it mimics the effects some persons obtain after using LSD, is attractive to acid-heads.
2. Just Say No: “in the present case,” “in the instant case,” “in the case at bar,” or even “in this case.”
Mystery Judge
The jury in this case was instructed that it could hold Westboro liable for intentional infliction of emotional distress based on a finding that Westboro’s picketing was “outrageous.”
Mystery Judge
Our taxpayer standing cases have declined to distinguish between appropriations and tax expenditures for a simple reason: In the present case, as in many contexts, the distinction is one in search of a difference.
Mystery Judge
Rarely has this Court rejected outright an interpretation of state law by a state high court. Fairfax’s Devisee v. Hunter’s Lessee, NAACP v. Alabama ex rel. Patterson, and Bouie v. City of Columbia, cited by the Chief Justice, are three such rare instances. But those cases are embedded in historical contexts hardly comparable to the situation in the case at bar.
Try “here.”
Chief Justice John Roberts, Snyder v. Phelps
The jury here was instructed that it could hold Westboro liable for intentional infliction of emotional distress based on a finding that Westboro’s picketing was “outrageous.”
Justice Elena Kagan, Arizona Christian School Tuition Org. v. Winn, dissenting
Our taxpayer standing cases have declined to distinguish between appropriations and tax expenditures for a simple reason: Here, as in many contexts, the distinction is one in search of a difference.
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Bush v. Gore, dissenting
Rarely has this Court rejected outright an interpretation of state law by a state high court. Fairfax’s Devisee v. Hunter’s Lessee, NAACP v. Alabama ex rel. Patterson, and Bouie v. City of Columbia, cited by the Chief Justice, are three such rare instances. But those cases are embedded in historical contexts hardly comparable to the situation here.
3. Just Say No: “therefore” or “consequently” or “accordingly.”
Mystery Judge
Therefore, her testimony contradicted John Ennis’ testimony that he had never heard her say she was sorry and that he would not have fired her if she had.
Mystery Judge
[T]he content of the Ad includes political satire – it pokes fun at the Mayor’s alleged penchant for taking credit for all of New York’s achievements. The question, therefore, is whether the inclusion of political satire in the motif of the Ad removes it from the category of commercial speech in which it would otherwise clearly fall.
Mystery Judge
Consequently, back pay essentially pays the plaintiff for the economic losses suffered as a result of the employer’s wrong; it does not return to the plaintiff anything which was rightfully his in the first place.
Try “so” or “thus” or “then.”
Eleventh Circuit Judge Edward Carnes, Hamilton v. Southland Christian School
So[] her testimony contradicted John Ennis’ testimony that he had never heard her say she was sorry and that he would not have fired her if she had.
District Court Judge Shira Scheindlin, New York Magazine v. Metropolitan Transit Authority
[T]he content of the Ad includes political satire – it pokes fun at the Mayor’s alleged penchant for taking credit for all of New York’s achievements. The question, then, is whether the inclusion of political satire in the motif of the Ad removes it from the category of commercial speech in which it would otherwise clearly fall.
Former D.C. Circuit Chief Judge Patricia Wald, Hubbard v. EPA
Thus, back pay essentially pays the plaintiff for the economic losses suffered as a result of the employer’s wrong; it does not return to the plaintiff anything which was rightfully his in the first place.
4. Just Say No: “in order to.”
Mystery Judge
In order to be sanctionable, a misstatement or omission must be more than an innocent mistake; in making the misstatement or omission, the attorney must have been “culpably careless.”
Try “to.”
Bankruptcy Judge Benjamin Goldgar, In re Brent
To be sanctionable, a misstatement or omission must be more than an innocent mistake; in making the misstatement or omission, the attorney must have been “culpably careless.”
5. Just Say No: “prior to.”
Mystery Judge
This Court has generally insisted upon first analyzing the impugned legislative language prior to determining a contested issue of constitutional validity.
Try “before.”
Justice Michael Kirby, High Court of Australia, Wurridjal v. Commonwealth
This Court has generally insisted upon first analyzing the impugned legislative language before determining a contested issue of constitutional validity.
6. Just Say No: “despite the fact that” and “notwithstanding the fact that.”
Mystery Judge
Despite the fact that he was a well-known local figure and candidate for public office, he was arrested during the campaign and beaten by the police, ostensibly for not having identification papers on him.
Try “although” or “even though.”
Seventh Circuit Judge Richard Posner, Cecaj v. Gonzalez
Although he was a well-known local figure and candidate for public office, he was arrested during the campaign and beaten by the police, ostensibly for not having identification papers on him.
Finally, here’s a little cheat sheet:
| Just Say No | Try |
| subsequent to, following | after |
| in the present case, in the instant case, in the case at bar, in this case | here |
| therefore, consequently, accordingly | so, thus, then |
| in order to | to |
| prior to | before |
| despite the fact that, notwithstanding the fact that | although, even though |
For six more “No Thanks” words and phrases, click here.